The Starry Night

The sound of my mother’s frantic voice engulfed me; apparently I was going to be late for school. The thought of this, for a strange reason made me grin like a maniac. My mother was yelling! It made me happy; at least my mother COULD yell. I savored it for a moment then realized that yelling was a bad thing and told myself to get a move on it. I had to go back to school.


“Where were you?!”

“Where the HELL WERE YOU YESTERDAY?”

“Don’t ditch school without telling me next time, okay Hun?”


The voices of my friends engulfed me, and I felt my heart grow warm. I was missed, and I was thought of, and it made me feel special, almost, normal. As if nothing else was going on.


I walked to the library down the slightly curved path from my school, laughing as Visah continued to make fun of me for my deep fear of scary movies. Hey—it wasn’t my fault I found Jurassic Park Terrifying, and good lord, kill me for being scared of the dark. It was just a part of my totally innocent nature, I told myself.

As I stepped into the perfect climate controlled environment, I took a look around me. I had just stepped into my second home. The place I used to come running too right after school, when my parents were fighting and getting a divorce. The place I came to when I had no where else to go, when I wanted to be alone, and the same place I came to, and got kicked out of when I was with my friends and just having a good time. My second home.


Seeing my friends, I made my way over and gave away some huge hugs, as i let go, and let myself think about nothing else other than laughs, and some good time.



Joe! Hey! A smile stretched across my face as my best bud’s (a guy) little brother entered through the door. I haven’t seen him in a while, and his brother was being an idiot. For a best friend, he wasn’t acting like one right now, so pushing that thought away, I gave Joe a hug, trying to muster all the love I could into it.


"Hey there sexy, looking hot" His voice in my ear startled me, he wasn`t one who usually made such comments, and I was NOT used to being called sexy OR hot for that matter.


I felt the blood rush to my face, and I blushed, hoping that my brown skin could hide the crimson glow that spread across my face.


As I walked around the library, this time with him in tow, I glanced at the clock. It was 5:17, and if I wanted to make it back to school in time for Badminton, I had to leave now. Looking outside however, at the dark skies, I shivered; scared. It was too dark to walk alone, I was terrified of the night wen I had no one by m side.

“walk me to Badminton?” I smiled at Joe. He usually did, every Tuesday, and I figured it would be the same. It turned out, I figured correctly, although he took a while to get out of his chair, and by the time we started walking it was 5:29, one minute till practice started.


I stepped outside into the cool breeze, the wind flowing through my hair, brushing over my bare arms as goose bumps started to appear. I had left my jacket in my locker at school, and now, as I walked side by side with Joe, I was paying the price.


“You cold?”


“No… I’m fine…” I said, not trying to make a big deal. However, after walking for a minute, my teeth began to shatter, and I couldn’t hide the fact that I was wearing a tee-shirt and I was turning into a human popsicle. I crossed my arms in front of my chest, and barely opened my eyes so I could hide from the cold, so wit my eyes closed, I felt Joe put his jacket around me before I saw it happen. His warm oversized sweater and arms surrounded me, as I shivered my way towards the school.


“That cold, huh?”


“Yeah… what can I say. I don’t have much flab to keep me warm.”


“So… what’s with dressing all fancy today?” Joe looked over at me as we started down the curvy pathway towards my school. I grinned at his attempt at small talk, and replied with some confusion. I mean, dressing all fancy? These were normal school clothes I wore everyday!


“Then you must have boys falling for you from every corner.” He replied, winking.


I blushed, and I could feel the blood rushing to my brain again. “Boys? What boys? I wish.”


“Trust me, it’s so easy…to fall for a girl like you”


It was cheesy but that line had a visible effect at me, because all Joe did was smile right back. We were halfway to my school, underneath the streetlamp, but I knew my brown skin was now a crimson red, and not just from the cold.


“alright I’m going back now. I’m not walking all the way.”


“WHAT?” I stared at him in disbelif. He wasn’t leaving me to walk all the way to the school with that creepy looking car down there in the parking lot with someone inside it, and who knows how many other eyes were watching! I grabbed his hand, and tried to pull him along with me towards the school, but with no avail. Even though he was 2 years younger, the fact that he was taller, an stronger than me had some pretty big disadvantages.


Instead, he pulled my right back next to him, and held my hand, and then, without a word, took the sweater off and put it on himself, as he sat down on the sidewalk, facing the grass field. I stood there, staring, unsure of what to do next. I had the options of sitting down with him and getting warm, standing there and freezing, or take the risk of walking to school alone in the dark while creepy people in big mysterious cars watched. Obviosly, I went with the first option.

As I sat there beside him, I felt my stomach tingle. He wore the way-to-large sweater and pulley me closer to him and told me to put my arm in the sweater as well. As my hand slid along side his, he slowly held it together, warming me up, holding me tight, his arm; our arms, around my waist.

My stomach started tingling even more, and I felt my heartbeat increase, at the thought of being so close to him. I wasn't the only one who noticed the change in my heart rate however. "it's beating faster," he said, grinning.

I looked away suddenly shy. I didn't know why either, though it could have been because we were so close our noses were practically touching. Not sure of what to say or do next without making it impossibly awkward, I stared at the night skies.

Far away in the distance I spotted the first star of the night. "hey look, a star! Make a wish" I told. "Star light, Star bright, the first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, get the
wish I wish tonight." as the words escaped my lips, I squeezed my eyes shut, and wished my hardest.

"you made your wish?" Joe's voice interupted my though and I slowly opened up my eyes. "Yup!" I said, smiling. He stared at me, right into my eyes, our faces so close to each other his face was almost a blur. I felt a tingling sensation spread throughout my body, as I felt his eyes look deeper than just into the surface.

"what was your wish?" he whispered, his breath tickling my ear.

"if I told you, it wouldn't come true." I said, flirting right back with him. It was almost like second nature, and soon the flirty replies were out of my mouth with every word he said.

"How would I ever know if it came true or not then?" Joe asked, a twinkle in his eye almost as magical looking as the star.

"I guess we'd have to take a chance and you'd know when it came true because I would tell you." ad he stared into my eyes again, almost seasrching for a response, he looked back at the star, then at me, and leaned in to kiss me.

Being 14 and 11 months old, I have already had kisses from a couple of guys, but the intensity, the perfectness I felt, as his lips connected with mine was so surreal. I felt as if I was in a movie, one of those really cheesy romantic movies, as he held on to me, and held me like I was somethjng so gentle, yet perfect at the same time. The stars above, the night sky, the cheesy lines, and ending with a kiss was almost too perfect.

Which was why when I started to think about M. (who shall not be named) while I sat there kissing Joe, I almost instantly let go. It was perfect, why was I thinking of M, of all times now? And why did I have a pang in my heart, and why did I all of a sudden wish that it was him that was kissing me instead?

Shuttup Jenna! I yelled at myself, forcing thoughts of the one guy I had fallen for on the first day of highschool out of my mind. After all, he had a girlfriend, and i let myself go back to the moment, being in Joe's arms, as he cradled me, caressed me, and held me close. It was THE perfect moment, and as he let go, and told me how I was the first girl he had ever kissed, I seperated my thoughts from my body, and let myself be there with him.

--

"He KISSED YOU, didn't he?!"
"OHMIGOD you KISSED Fazi's little brother?!"

I blushed; an hour later I was back in the library and my friends, Immy and Noor who were still there could apparently tell from just one look at my face what had just happened.

"Do you know what Fazi will Do when he finds out?!"

"Shhhhhh!" I tried to make them shuttup, but the damage had already been done. Joe's brother, my best friend, had heard, and dragged Immy away to get the truth out of her.

As Noor said something to me all hyped, I looked at Fazi waiting for his reaction. He had been drinking water from the fountain, but all of a sudden, he spat it all right back out, and started spitting in the garbage can, like something nasty had gotten into his mouth. I gulped. So he knew.

Unsure of what to say next, as he stared at me, trying to comprehend what had happened between his brother and me, I quickly got my cellphone out and texted my mom. It was about time I got back home to her, and back to reality.

It Helps.

I woke up this morning, my head pounding, my stomach reeling; ready to gag. The nightmare had come again, but this time, it was too much like reality, making it worse.

It wasn't like I wasn't used to the white washed walls of the hospital, and the smell of too much sanitizer, but the pictures of my mother being carried away in a stretcher, unable to do anything but look at me, was WAY too close to reality.

Maybe because it is reality, idiot, I thought. It was true. Just a few days ago, that was the scene my eyes were witnessing, as I sat down on one of the numerous identical chairs of the hospital waiting room, as I waited for the doctors to come out and tell me it was nothing. As I waited for someone to say that Mom was fine, and that we could all go home, a happy family of four.

Sometimes, dreams don't come true.

Ovarian Cancer.

That's what they had said.

I had stood there, mind reeling, as the words floated in my mind, not really sinking in. Why...why did it have to be HER. I yelled at myself, as if it was suddenly my fault, like I could have stopped the cancer from entering her body if I had tried hard enough.

The bad thing about being smart though, was I knew there was nothing I could do, that it wasn't my fault, and that the only real thing I could do was to be there, and hope, and pray for her. To pray that the 55% chance she had of loosing her fight and leaving us alone in this world was no big deal... it was the 45% chance of a cure that mattered.

That was 4 days ago.

Today, I hoped, it would be different.

Today; the day that had started out with me getting out of bed, and falling right back down, passed out. Apparently, stress and too much worry can cause your head to hurt; like a cockroach had just nibbled out a part of your brain and left it all bloody and wounded, like there was a gaping hole in your head. Something i learned stress does to you; something I learned today.

And since we're talking about the list of what was learned today, might as well continue.

1. Apparently, ovarian cancer can equal a lot of tests, making a weak mother even more tired, and furthermore, equal a long day at the hospital while your missing school.
2. It`s hard not to cry when you look at your mother who is fighting for a second chance at life.
3. While your trying not to cry because of that, trying to give up on love, and guys, because you're only 14 years old and you're sick of falling in love and the idiot never realizing it, is pretty hard. Especially when that guy seems to make you cry even more.
4. & it's even harder to get over him although you just watched him and his girlfriend make out for 15 minutes straight at the school dance.
5. Being an optimistic child, is hard when you've got nothing to smile for.

Still typing, I smiled.

Listing out the stupid things, the depressing things that i "learned" (more like realized) today, helped. it was like a small load of the burdens of my life had been lifted.

Which leaves me to now.

Sitting here, writing this blog, because even though no one may ever read this, it helps.

Just to let go, and for once in my life, not to be the one that everyone can go to, to cry on her shoulders.

But to be the girl doing all the crying instead.

It helps.

It`s Not that Simple.

Current Song: This is my Now - Jordin Sparks
Current Mood: No freaking clue .
Current Colour: Navy Blue

How should I start? Where to begin?

This isn`t just another dumb blog.

In fact, this isn`t like most blogs at all. Though I wouldn`t know that for sure. I havn`t really read any, so I guess I`m being biased when I say that my blog, for some reason, is much more special than the other ones out there.

Come to think of it, a lot of people probably say that.

but really, this isn`t like most blogs, for all I know.

because everything , from tales of a love cynic, worries of an empathetic friend, fears of being a social outcast, and a scared daughter of a cancer fighter, are tales, from yours truly. Wait, let me rephrase. Not tales; more like true facts.

But even when it`s pouring rain, nothing can bring you down.

Cause life isn`t about blaming the storms, it`s about learning to dance in the rain.

Something I`ve began to learn.

I`m really bad at intros , and beginnings so that`s all I`ll say for today.

and to keep you hanging in there, here`s the start of a list; MY list.

Something i happen to feel strongly about .

Why guys can be so stupid (:

1. When a girl is madly in love with them, they NEVER seem to realize it.
2. Guys, let`s face it, until they`re at least 24, are players. When they know how to get a girl, they`ll do it for the fun of it.
3. & those who don`t know how to get a girl? Run after her like shes a missing Pokemon card, that they have to get...failing to realize how much of dork they really look like. It`s High school. Let`s get real.

More later (:

love from ,
Jenna Rossity